"Have you ever met somebody who wasn't from Toronto?"
"What kind of question is that? Of course I have."
"Okay who? Specifically?"
"Uh... lots of people. What about Kate? She's Chinese."
"As Torontonian as you or I. Toronto General, just like you actually."
"You asked her where she was born?"
"Yes, this is important."
"Okay... what about her parents?"
"Princess Margrat and Mt. Saiani."
"What about her grandparents. I mean somebody in her family has to be from China..."
"They were really noncommittal about that."
"Fine, what about Tom? He's from Calgary."
"His dad is. He just says he's from Calgary so he can get away with wearing a cowboy hat."
"Well there you go. His dad is from Calgary."
"Have you ever met his dad?"
"No. I mean... After what he did at Amanda's place, Tom and I have barely ever even spoken to each other..."
"Well I haven't met him either so his dad doesn't count."
"Look, this is ridiculous. Of course, there are people who aren't from Toronto."
"Have you met any of them? How do we even know they exist?"
"This is insane. What about all of the people on TV... They can't all be fake."
"Notwithstanding the fact that everybody on TV is fake in one way or another, have you met anyone from a TV show or someone who works on them and is really sure about where they come from?"
"Have you ever even been outside of the city?"
"My parents don't have a car..."
"Mine don't either. I've never even been west of Jane. As far as I know, it could be a wasteland out there."
"Well, it kind of is, but that's beside the point. What about the planes? You've seen them flying over. They have to be going some where. They couldn't possibly be just for show."
"Do you know anybody who's been on one?"
"Andrea went to Disney World last March. There you go, Florida is clearly not in Toronto..."
"No she didn't."
"She didn't what?"
"Go to Disney World. Her parents were going through a divorce and she lost her shit and stopped coming to school for a while. When she got it back together she said she went to Disney World so people wouldn't find out."
"How do you know that?"
"People found out. Besides, doesn't Disney World seem kind of lame, I mean..."
"Look, the GO Train goes to Barrie and Barrie is clearly not Toronto."
"Have you ever been to Barrie?"
"No. Why would I go to Barrie? It's like four hours away."
"Exactly. Have you ever met anyone who's been? I mean... I've heard of people who commute from Barrie."
"No. I haven't met anyone who commutes from Barrie."
"Okay... What about Markham? Do you know anybody from Markham?"
"No. I don't know anybody from Markham."
"Fine, let's go. Grab your jacket."
"We'll take the TTC to Finch and walk to Steeles."
"I don't want to go to Finch, it's far away."
"I don't want to either, but we have to. Neither of us know a single person who isn't from the city, so we have to go to Steeles. That's all there is to it."
"It's like an hour away..."
"I know, let's go."
"Last stop Finch. Connection to York Region Transit and go fuck yourself this is the middle of fucking nowhere."
"Wow, those subway announcements are mean."
"Yeah, but they're not wrong. Let's go find Steees."
"Are you sure you want don't want to take a bus, it looks like it's kind of far."
"No, I don't want to wait for a fucking bus... It couldn't possibly be that far."
"Okay, turns out it actually was kind of far, but that big intersection up ahead should be Steeles..."
"Alright, take a look: giant intersection, Markham, Vaugh. They exist. You dragged me all the way out here for nothing. Are you satisfied?
"Then, again something's not quite right. Take a look at this. Holy. Fucking. Shit. It's a painting! Markham is a backdrop.
"I can't believe it. You were right."